Who the hell does the internet think I am?

I’ll tell you who. If my spam is anything to go by it thinks I’m a debt-ridden, porn-crazed, pizza-loving, scam-believing, erectile-dysfunctioning, phoneless, casino-mad, prescription-drug-addict with a penchant for Rolex watches (fake or otherwise) and towels!! Towels I ask you – I’m inundated with spam for egyptian-cotton towels!

I’m always scrabbling round for something to put in the ‘hobbies’ section of my CV – maybe I should use these as pointers for future employers.

That said, through spam touching my life…
1) I have learnt many new ways of spelling the word ‘viagra’.
2) For a few seconds each morning when I see the number of messages in my in-box I feel REALLY popular.
3) Should I ever wish to emmigrate, I am pre-approved for mortgages in 24 US states.
4) I can buy high quality Egyptian cotton towels from just $3.99. Yes, just three-nine-nine!
5) What the f&$k…!!! Golf clubs! Who the hell does the internet think I am?