I’ve been having a good, hard think lately. Thinking about why I spend so much time online and what the heck am I actually trying to achieve with things like this blog.
Me: Do you want to make your fortune selling photos from your shop?
Me: Hmm, a fortune does sound nice but it’s not what really drives me to do stuff. I love the recognition and the thought that someone has chosen to spend money on something I’ve created and even has it hanging in their home. That’s MUCH more motivating. Not the ‘fortune’.
Me: Do you want to be a freelance website designer (it is your day job after all)?
No. No, no, no. So many reasons for this answer but I’ve become quite disillusioned with it all. And at the end of the day, it’s all about (and so it should be all about) somebody elses vision. Doing it for a day job is fantastic, but beyond the 9-5 – shutters are down.
Me: So, you want to be a proper ‘artist’?
Me: Closer. This is feeling more me. The word artist though has so many connotations, it’s a world I’m not part of and a bit too cliquey. But like I say, it’s closer to what I’m after.
Me: OK, so what sort of non-artist would you be?
Me: A photographer. Sounds grand, sounds proper. Sounds like if I call myself that I ought to really know what I’m talking about. This is feeling good though! I love the thought of learning about new photographic techniques; discovering old cameras and bringing them to life – seeing what they can produce. Imagery is important, it’s my passion. That’s it, that’s what I want to do.
Me: That’s great. Is that all there is to it?
Me: Not quite – there’s another dimension to it. I want to share. To show you guys what I’ve been doing and hear what you think. When I discover a new camera and get amazing photos from it I want to grab a cup of coffee with you and go through them, show you what I did and try and persuade you to give it a go too.
When I get a roll of film back from the developers and they’re all blank I want to know I have an outlet to let the world know what went wrong and help others avoid the same mistake. If I create a funky new action in Photoshop I want to give it away and see what amazing stuff other people do with it.
All these things are what I want, what I really, really want and now I’ve sorted this out in my head everything suddenly seems easier. I think I’m going to find things a lot more manageable and enjoyable. Focused.
Me: Have you quite finished?
Me: Yessss! For now, anyway.
Right then, shall we grab that coffee and look at some photos?
Pentax K1000 + Kodak Ektar 100 film
Polaroid SX-70 + 600 film + ND filter on film pack
Diana-F + FujiFilm Superia 100 film