I love Apple iPods. They look so damn sexy. I love listening to music too, I’m sure it’s all I need to make my life complete – I should have one!
In a world where kids have all the best product designers pandering to their every whim, it’s good to have something you need more than a pound a week pocket money to buy. They inspire in adults the type of consumer frenzy akin to the cabbage-patch doll Christmas of 1985*, or the Buzz-Lightyear Christmas of 1991*, only much more tasteful. (Remind me sometime to tell you of the Buzz-Lightyear incident, and why I’ll never be allowed back into the Southampton branch of Asda ever again).
There are reasons though why I don’t have one already, and whilst I can’t guarentee I’ll never succum to the iPods aesthetic charms (or the latest advertising campaign) I’m putting my hand up now as someone who wont ever buy one.
Firstly, I get paranoid if I can’t hear what’s going on around me. I mean, what if I was on a train and I missed an important announcement about the buffet car? And how would I manage to eavesdrop on all the best gossip?
Secondly, I tend to sing along when I hear a song I like, and being deaf to the terribleness of my own voice; thinking that those soulful Joss Stone vocals are, in fact, my own, I’d probably end up with a pack of dogs following me, wailing along in unison. The world just isn’t ready.
Thirdly, I think I may have funny-shaped ears. No matter what sort of stick-it-in-your-ear-hole type ear-phones I use, they either hurt or fall out.
So there you go, me and Apple iPods – an unrequited love. The world is doomed to listen in on my musical meanderings for a while yet
*I may have these years wrong, it’s all a bit hazy pre 1999 – I blame recreational vodka, don’t do it kids!