“I’m going nowhere, Lynn. Quite literally – I’m on the ring road!”

You know how Alan Partridge would come up with the worst concepts ever for TV shows… I’m thinking in particular of Inner City Sumo, Glass Blowing With Aled Jones, Arm Wrestling with Chas ‘n’ Dave, not forgetting, the best of all, Monkey Tennis! Anyway, I think someone has mistakingly found an Alan Partridge script of these aforemention rubbish ideas and actually MADE THEM into actual TV shows.

I have just now had to fumble madly for the remote control, with my eyes squeezed tightly shut in case I saw as well as heard the Channel Five show Cosmetic Survery – Live! Like I said, I never saw this – I can only assume the person being ‘done’ accidently ticked the ‘knock-me-out cold-and-carve-me-up-live-on-telly’ box.

I also think they must have had to work bloody hard to sell the pitch of How Clean Is Your House?, basically a show about housework – just what you want to watch whilst wallowing in your own squallour at prime-time!

Having said all this though, I’m looking forward to the upcoming show Should I Be Worried About Sausages?!!

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