Whilst I am sure being rich isn’t the key to happiness, I am pretty positive it’s the swipe-card to a 5-star luxury hotel room – and I know that would make me smiley and instantly more attractive.
I am much too clumsy, unorganised and compelled-to-tell-the-truth-when-gently-coaxed to successfully steal anything, so that’s out. If I had been involved with the recent multi-million-pound heist in Kent, things would have been wrapped up very quickly. Police would merely have had to wait until the shops opened to find me doling out used notes to all the shopkeepers in the Bluewater shopping centre.
Playing the National Lottery seems safer, plus it’s legal – hoorah. Since I found you can play online, I feel compelled to have a flutter at least once a week. I had this cunning strategy of only playing the lower prize games, thinking everyone would get so caught up going for the gazillion pounds that they wouldn’t notice my measly £100,000 game and I would win the lot every week. The only drawback is that I still have to pick out numbers to win, and I don’t seem to be able to do it. If anyone has a lucky number they’d like to share, or generally any sort of guaranteed get-rich-quick scheme (or cash) – do please let me know!
If the whole lottery thing proves a tad fruitless and turns out to be – as I am fearing, simply a stealth tax for the desperate and stupid, I may have to consider plan B; becoming a brilliant artist and selling my work for thousands of pounds (maybe even millions)! All I need to do is create some masterpieces, convince the world I am ‘dogs-bollocks’ and wait for the cash to roll in. I am sure the fact that I can’t draw (as I found out on my first day at art college – thank god for Macs) won’t be a HUGE problem – I will just do something cool and conceptual… stuff the hollow insides of a Barbie doll with the contents of my vacuum cleaner and call it DirtyGirl™. (Please don’t steal this idea – it’s making more and more sense to me – if you’d like to buy a DirtyGirl™ do drop me a line – and keep an eye on e-bay)!
Plan C is a lot more practical; selling my photos on istockphoto. So far I have accumulated the very round figure of zero dollars and zero cents. Whilst it is early days, I fear it maybe a little too soon to give up the day job.
I have to go now – I need to think up a plan D and work on my list of what I am going to spend all the money on.